


bert and ernie

by neoncharm



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, jarchonironica or bust, jellybean has a minecraft girlfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23940907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoncharm/pseuds/neoncharm
Summary: Cheryl scrolls through her phone disinterestedly. “So you were Betty’s beard. Get over it. At least you had the opportunity to date a girl at all; I can’t imagine any other circumstances under which one would willingly be with you.”“Babe,” starts Toni.“Thanks. I feel so supported,” Jughead says sarcastically.Or, the one where Jughead strikes up a friendship of sorts with Cheryl and Toni after Betty dumps him. Jughead makes some important realizations, and Cheryl and Toni turn out to be surprisingly good wingmen.
Relationships: Archie Andrews/Jughead Jones, Betty Cooper/Veronica Lodge, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Jughead Jones & Toni Topaz & Cheryl Blossom, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 204





	bert and ernie

**Author's Note:**

> I really couldn’t think of a better title.  
> This is an AU of sorts that takes place sometime in s4: Fred has passed away and the Farm stuff has been resolved but all the other shit doesn’t happen.  
> I don’t think there are any TWs for this fic besides references to cults (the Farm).  
> Enjoy!

It’s not every day your girlfriend dumps you because she’s realized she’s a lesbian.

In Jughead’s defense, he thinks he takes the news relatively well. Betty had been distant to him for several weeks, saying she was “figuring stuff out,” so he sort of saw it coming. Rather than shock or betrayal, Jughead only feels a kind of resigned sadness mixed with relief when Betty breaks the news to him. 

He’s not heartbroken. Really. Still, getting broken up with by your girlfriend of two years is never fun. It doesn’t help that they still live together and go to the same school, so Jughead constantly has to see her and be reminded of what happened. As compensation, he spends as much time out of the house as possible, but finds himself feeling a little lost when he’s not sure who to hang out with now. This comes as a bit of a surprise to him: it wasn’t long ago that Jughead would have been fine loitering at Pop’s by himself for days on end, but now the thought of doing so again just makes him feel… _lonely._ The thing about developing a solid friend circle for the first time in your life is that it’s hard to go back to being alone. 

Character development, he supposes.

* * *

Jughead’s first thought, of course, is to go to Archie, but Archie’s been busy with his community gym and Jughead feels weird about imposing on Archie when his best friend is still dealing with the loss of his father. It makes him feel weird for other reasons too, which he isn’t eager to dissect. So he and Archie still hang out occasionally, but it isn’t enough to fill up his free time. 

* * *

Jughead’s next option is the Serpents: he has to spend a decent amount of time with them as their leader anyway. Unfortunately, he finds that as much as he cares about his gang, they aren’t the best at helping him get over his breakup.

“Man, Betty dumped you?” muses Sweet Pea. “That really sucks, but it’s kind of funny since you were _so_ set on her and offered for her to be Serpent Queen and all that. And then she turns out to be gay?” He shakes his head. 

“Sweet Pea, you are not exactly helping,” Jughead grits out.

“Oh! Shit, I’m sorry, that was probably really rude of me. If it makes you feel better, I went through a similar situation when Josie dumped me. Except she wasn’t gay, of course. At least I don’t think she is? I think she and Melody might have had a thing at one point but the Pussycats are basically dead in the water, so you know… shit, now I miss her. I’m telling you, Jughead, if she’d just given us a chance, we could have been great…”

* * *

Jughead briefly considers hitting up Veronica; he’d never been as close with her as with Archie or Betty, but they still have a nice kind of solidarity. He really appreciates her intensity and wit, finding that she can always keep with him in conversation. However, he guesses that now that he and Betty have broken up, Veronica is Betty’s “my significant other broke up with me and I now I have a lot of extra time to spend with other people” territory, not Jughead’s. So he respects that. He always felt out of place in the Pembrooke, anyway. 

* * *

“I am not pity hanging out with you because Betty dumped you and you have nobody else to talk to,” says Jellybean. 

“It’s not ‘pity hanging out,’” insists Jughead. “I just think we should spend more time together as brother and sister. I barely know what you’ve been up to lately.” Which is true. 

Jellybean rolls her eyes. “Fine, but you’re playing Minecraft with me and my girlfriend.”

“You have a Minecraft girlfriend?”

“Yeah, and you don’t have a real life girlfriend so you have no place to judge.” 

Jughead tries to play Minecraft with Jellybean and her Minecraft girlfriend (whose name is Sally, apparently), but he keeps getting killed by zombies and creepers before he can accomplish anything meaningful. Eventually, Jellybean kicks him out of her server, saying he can come back “when you suck less ass.”

* * *

Jughead’s running out of people. There’s Kevin, but he and Jughead have never been very close. Plus, Kevin just came out of a cult. Where he got his organs removed. And dragged Jughead’s ex-girlfriend to her lobotomy. Jughead wonders if Kevin is still just walking around with one kidney, or if he ever got it back.

* * *

Jughead cares deeply about Toni: she helped him when he was in a really bad place, after all. Normally, she would have been much higher on Jughead’s “people to hang out with now that Betty dumped me” list; it’s just that she and Cheryl are practically attached at the hip. And they’re apparently raising Polly’s twins now. And Cheryl still kind of scares Jughead, even if she’s mellowed out a lot. 

Nevertheless, he shoots Toni a text. _Wanna hang out sometime?_

**From: Toni**

_heard about you and betty from sweet pea. cheryl’s rlly excited that riverdale has one more wlw now, not to mention it’s her own cousin lol_

**From: Toni**

_sorry about that though_

**To: Toni**

_It’s fine. Thanks._

**From: Toni**

_anyway if you want to hang out im all for it but i can’t leave the house a lot these days, me n cheryl are busy w/ juniper and dagwood. they’re teething!_

**From: Toni**

_you’re free to come to our house any time though!_

**To: Toni**

_No offense, Toni, but I feel like if I visit your house something will possess me._

**From: Toni**

_aw jones don’t be scared. i swear our ghosts are friendly_

**To: Toni**

_I’m not “scared.” I just have a healthy attachment to having control of my own body._

And that’s how Jughead finds himself on the doorstep of the Blossoms’ house one cloudy afternoon. He eyes the wooden doors apprehensively, wondering if he’s making a mistake: he trusts Toni, but her girlfriend did burn down her own house, after all. Who’s to say she won’t do something like that again? 

Before he can consider changing his mind, the doors swing open and there stands Cheryl. “Good day, Jughead!” she chirps. “Do come in. TT's upstairs with the twins.” 

Still, Jughead hesitates. Cheryl raises an eyebrow. “Why the stony face? I can assure you that Toni and I only want to help you get past your tragic breakup. I know you and I haven’t always been on the best of terms, but any friend of Toni is a friend of mine. Any amicable ex of my dear cousin Betty is a friend of mine.”

“You called me a hobo once,” Jughead deadpans.

Cheryl waves a hand dismissively. “All in the past. Now, are you going to come in or are you going to continue attracting dust on my doorstep?”

* * *

A few minutes and some intimidating stairways later, Jughead finds himself relating the story of his and Betty’s breakup to Toni and Cheryl while they entertain the twins with toys. Nana Rose sits silently in the corner of the room as if she’s some kind of antique piece of furniture. It’s all a bit unnerving. 

Cheryl scrolls through her phone disinterestedly. “So you were Betty’s beard. Get over it. At least you had the opportunity to date a girl at all; I can’t imagine any other circumstances under which one would willingly be with you.”

“Babe,” starts Toni.

“Thanks. I feel so supported,” Jughead says sarcastically. 

Toni smiles at him sympathetically. “Hey, I want you to know you’re not alone in this experience. I used to date a guy before he figured out he was gay; I was definitely sad about it when it ended, but I managed to get past it. It just takes time and understanding.” She unexpectedly shoves one of the twins at him. “Here, hold Dagwood. You’re good with kids, right? It might help you feel better.”

Jughead wants to protest that _no_ , he is not good with kids, hasn’t held a baby since Jellybean was one, and also, no offense to Polly but who the hell names their baby _Dagwood_ , but before he can say any of these things, Dagwood is sitting in his lap.

“Hi,” he tries.

Dagwood blinks up at him. 

“Isn’t that just adorable,” Cheryl says dryly. “You know, Jughead, I know you’re not one to wear your emotions on your sleeve, but you don’t seem quite as cut up about this as I expected you to be.” 

Toni nods. “Yeah, you and Betty dated for quite a while, right? I know you loved her a lot, but all things considered, you seem alright.”

Jughead shrugs, unsure as to where they’re going with this. “I don’t know. For one thing, I was kind of expecting it. And I’m happy that Betty figured out what she wants; I still support her no matter what.” He frowns. “Honestly, when she broke up with me, I felt more relieved than anything. Not sure why.” 

Toni and Cheryl cock their heads in perfect synchronicity, which creeps Jughead out a little. “Relieved?” asks Toni.

“I guess? I care about Betty a lot, and I was really happy with her, but--” Jughead is momentarily distracted by Dagwood trying to pull his beanie off his head. He gently guides the baby’s hands away. “--but it’s like… I don’t know, I don’t have the right words to quite describe it yet, but it’s like the whole relationship felt… scripted. Like I was never uncomfortable, but at the same time it felt like--”

“Like you were doing what was expected of you?” says Cheryl quietly. Jughead glances up at her in surprise; she and Toni are looking at him intently, which unnerves him further. But he nods.

“Yeah, actually. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Betty, but… I don’t know. It’s weird.” 

Toni and Cheryl exchange meaningful glances; Jughead starts to wonder if it’s not too far fetched for them to be having some telepathic conversation that he’s not privy to. It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing that has happened to him in the past few years. 

“Jughead, was Betty your first girlfriend? The first girl you were ever attracted to?” asks Toni, her tone weirdly gentle. He tries not to bristle -- he’s used to people delivering bad news when they use that voice with him.

“Um, yes? I never really thought about dating before that. Never even got crushes as a kid.” Which isn’t strictly true, but Jughead _really_ isn’t ready to have that conversation with himself, let alone with other people. 

“Tell us, Jughead, what motivated you to pursue Betty in the first place?” Cheryl inquires.

Jughead’s getting annoyed with their weird, vague questions, but he answers anyway. “Because I cared about her? We were spending a lot of time together, and we helped each other through some hard times, and…” he shrugs helplessly, getting the distinct feeling that none of his answers are satisfying whatever query Cheryl and Toni have in mind. “Seriously, guys, where are you going with this? I don’t get it.” 

They look at each other again. “We just think,” Toni begins in that same gentle tone, “that you being a good guy isn’t the only reason you’re not that sad about breaking up with Betty. Maybe Betty wasn’t the only one trapped in a relationship that couldn’t suit her needs.” 

“Maybe,” continues Cheryl (and seriously, how are they so in sync?), “you should take this as a wake-up call. An opportunity for you to expand your horizons.”

Realization dawns on Jughead. “Wait,” he can’t help but chuckle a bit at the absurdity of it all, “you guys think I’m…” 

“...not entirely heterosexual, at least.” Toni finishes for him.

Dagwood bursts into tears.

They take a few minutes to collect the crying baby from Jughead and soothe him into renewed serenity (Toni jokes about Dagwood being “the world’s first homophobic baby”), which gives Jughead a moment to collect his thoughts. It’s not that he’s _against_ the idea of being “not entirely heterosexual;” he just had never properly considered it before. Or rather, he hadn’t allowed himself to. Jughead was being truthful when he said he hadn’t thought about dating much until he got together with Betty. He’d always felt vaguely repulsed by the romances he saw in books and TV shows and movies, was never interested in the “who likes who” game that his classmates loved to play. He just chalked it up to being a late bloomer.

Memories do come to him, unbidden: hands brushing late at night and a bright smile framed by the sun shining through red hair and _you’re my best friend in the whole world_ and _we’ll always be together, won’t we?_ and-- 

But Jughead pushes that back deep down to the dark place in the middle of his chest where he stores Things To Never Admit To Myself Or Anyone Else No Matter How Repressed I Become. He’s just not ready. 

“Jughead, I hope we didn’t make you uncomfortable with that,” Toni says seriously, wincing as Dagwood pulls on her hair. “We just want to help, honestly. If you really are straight and Betty just wasn’t the right one for you that’s completely fine, but we both know what it’s like to be closeted and we think we might see a little of that in you--”

“It’s fine, Toni,” Jughead reassures her. “I’m not upset or anything. I just need some time to think about what you’ve told me.” 

“Do let us know when you’ve come to a decision,” Cheryl pipes up as she fusses over Juniper. “If you _are_ gay, it’d be great because we’d finally have enough students to form a proper GSA. I’ve been waiting for so long--” 

“What Cheryl _means_ is that you’re welcome to come back to us anytime if you need more advice,” Toni says quickly. 

“We’ll always be here for you! Juniper and Dagwood will appreciate the company, and so will Nana Rose,” Cheryl agrees. 

“Anything you try to drown will come back to the surface sooner or later,” says Nana Rose from the corner of the room and, well, Jughead can’t argue with that.

* * *

Jughead takes a few days to mull over what Cheryl and Toni told him. He does some google searches, but it isn’t very helpful, and so he decides he needs expert advice.

* * *

“Jellybean, do you think I’m gay?” 

His sister glances away from her laptop screen. “What, are you not?”

Jellybean has a tendency to be brutally honest, but he still wasn’t expecting that. “I dated Betty for two years.”

She shrugs. “I just assumed you were bearding.”

Jughead stares at her. “Cheryl said that too, why does everyone-- never mind. How do you even know what bearding is?” 

“I may be thirteen, but unlike you I’m not deeply in denial about my sexuality. If you want me to help you get a boyfriend who can teach you to not suck at Minecraft, I’m in this Discord server--”

“No thanks, I’m good.” 

* * *

For reasons already stated, Jughead feels a bit awkward about consulting Veronica, but besides ex-cult members Kevin and Fangs, Jughead’s own ex-girlfriend, and going back to Cheryl and Toni, Jughead doesn’t know any other LGBT teens in Riverdale who he can go to for advice. So he asks her if she can talk to him after school.

“Jughead! To what do I owe the pleasure?” exclaims Veronica when they meet up. She is, as always, dressed to the nines, and Jughead feels grubby in comparison. He reminds himself to wash his beanie when he gets home.

“Well,” starts Jughead, “I hope this isn’t invasive, but… how did you know you were bi?”

Veronica blinks at him in surprise. “I don’t mind answering that, but why do you ask? Are you…?”

Jughead shifts his feet, feeling hot under her gaze. “Maybe.” 

She purses her lips. “It wasn’t like I woke up one day and I decided I was bisexual. I always knew subconsciously that I liked people regardless of gender, but the actual realization came over me slowly. I think the moment when I really accepted it was when I had this one friend in middle school who I _really_ liked and wanted to impress, and one day she grabbed my hand and I was like, ‘holy shit, I like girls’. And the rest was history!” 

Jughead nods slowly. “I see. Thanks for sharing that with me -- it does help.” Veronica smiles at him in response to that, and to his surprise, reaches out to tug on his hand. 

“I’m glad, then. If you want to talk about it more, you know how to get a hold of me! I’m more than happy to help. It’s not every day that _two_ of my best friends come out to me.”

Jughead feels a little jolt when she says _best friend_ , and Veronica seems to sense it. “What, did you not think we were best friends? Just because you and Betty broke up doesn’t mean I’ve ‘taken sides’ or anything dumb like that. Don’t be a stranger, okay?” She shoots him another dazzling smile.

He smiles back at her. “Okay.”

* * *

Jughead’s been putting it off, but he knows he has to go to Archie sooner or later. Or rather, he doesn’t _have_ to, but he feels like he would be a bad friend if he didn’t. Which is probably stupid, but he and Archie have always told each other everything (besides their blip in sophomore year, which they have both matured and moved past, thank you very much) so why should this be any different? Besides, he already knows Archie isn’t, like, homophobic, so there’s nothing to fear. Really.

Still, coming out to his best friend ranks among one of the most intimidating things Jughead has ever done -- right up there with tracking down serial killers and the Gargoyle King -- so he takes the coward’s way out and decides to do it over text.

**To: Archie**

_Archie. You up?_

**From: Archie**

_yeah whats up :)_

**To: Archie**

_I don’t mean to sound alarming, but I have something important to tell you._

**From: Archie**

_omg u DID eat the last popsicle when u were over at my house last saturday didnt u_

**From: Archie**

_I KNEW IT_

**To: Archie**

_What? No, this is more important than that._

**From: Archie**

_more important than stolen popsicles? i doubt it_

**To: Archie**

_Archie._

**From: Archie**

_ok sorry. what is it?_

**To: Archie**

_I think I might be… Well. Not straight._

**From: Archie**

_OH_

**From: Archie**

_:O_

**From: Archie**

_thats so cool dude im proud of you for telling me that_

**To: Archie**

_You are?_

**From: Archie**

_ofc! ur my best bro i would never judge u or anything. and if anyone gives u crap for it tell them ur best friend boxed a bear_

**To: Archie**

_Thank you, Archie. Really. That means a lot._

**From: Archie**

_(^__^)_

The next day, Archie doesn’t say anything about it, but at lunch he takes a moment to take Jughead’s hand from over the table. He squeezes it, gently, and smiles at him. Then he lets go and it’s like nothing ever happened. 

Jughead’s traitorous heart hammers away anyway. He thinks back to what Veronica said about her friend and holding hands and _holy shit, I like girls._

_Holy shit, I like guys._

* * *

“Okay,” Jughead tells a rapt audience of two -- namely Cheryl and Toni. “You guys were right. I’m- I’m not straight.” He sucks in a deep breath, “I think… I think I’m gay.” The word feels heavy in his mouth, but not weird. Not wrong. 

Cheryl claps her hands with unrestrained glee. “So you and Betty were just bearding for each other all along! That’s so sweet.” 

Jughead rolls his eyes. “Not the reaction I was hoping for, but I guess so.”

“We’re proud of you, Jug,” Toni says warmly. “I know firsthand how hard it is to come to terms with something like that.”

“And now that you’ve accepted it, we should get you a boyfriend!” Cheryl chimes in. 

“Whoa, Cheryl,” Jughead warns her. “I just got out of a two-year relationship and I literally _just_ figured out I’m gay -- I’m not ready to date again yet.”

“Nonsense,” dismisses Cheryl. “Since you realized your sexuality so late, we have some serious catching up to do. It’s senior year and you must experience the joy that is gay love before you graduate.” She turns to Toni. “What do you think, dear? Are there any gay or bi men in our town who would suit Jughead well?”

“Well, we don’t exactly have a wide berth of guys to choose from,” muses Toni seriously. “I’m not sure of the status of their relationship, but I know Kevin and Fangs still have something going on, so unless Jughead is open to polyamory that won’t work. Also, they just got out of a cult.” 

“Do you think Reggie is straight?”

“Reggie _does_ seem like he could have that repressed homosexual jock thing going on--”

“Reggie used to push me into lockers,” Jughead cuts in. “Look, guys, I appreciate it but--”

“What about Sweet Pea, then?” Cheryl says to Toni as if Jughead hadn’t said anything. 

“I’m pretty sure he’s straight, but you never know…”

“Are you serious?” Jughead sputters in spite of himself. “ _Sweet Pea_? Also, I’m right here, can you guys stop discussing my potential suitors like I’m not--”

“How about Archie, then?” asks Toni, and Jughead’s heart stops.

“Absolutely not. Not a chance in hell.” He snaps, but he can tell his knee-jerk reaction has caught their interest. 

“Why not, pray tell?” Cheryl zeroes in on him like a hawk. “He _is_ your best friend, no?”

Jughead glares at her. “He is, but he’s also _straight_. And I don’t- I don’t like him that way.” 

Cheryl puts a hand over her heart, seemingly unfazed. “Are you sure? Before you got with Betty and Archie got with Veronica, I always thought you two were a little more than friends. I called you ‘Bert and Ernie’ for a reason -- did you know one of the writers for _Sesame Street_ said they were gay?”

“I did not, actually, but that’s fascinating,” Jughead mutters from between gritted teeth. “But really, I’ve never had feelings for Archie. We’re just friends.” 

Cheryl looks unconvinced, but Toni puts a hand on her shoulder before she can say anything more. “Okay. We believe you,” she says kindly. “But if you do change your mind, we’d love to help you figure it out. You deserve a good boyfriend.”

Jughead doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he just nods stiffly, unpleasant emotions swirling in his stomach. Toni seems to pick up on this, and offers him one of the twins as if it’s a consolation prize. “Want to hold Juniper?” 

* * *

Even though Archie has made it clear that Jughead is welcome at the community gym, he still feels out of place there. It’s just that the air is always thick with testosterone, and while Jughead does try to keep himself in decent shape, he certainly doesn’t have anything that compares to Archie’s abs. 

On this particular day, Archie is boxing with his friend from juvie -- Manny, or Monty, or something like that. They’re going at it pretty hard, both of them shining with sweat, but they seem to be having a good time. 

Jughead can’t help but eye his friend as he exchanges blows with the other guy -- Mason? Martin? Whatever. He has to admit to himself that Archie looks good. In a purely objective way, of course. It had been a shock to Jughead when Archie first “got hot,” as Kevin put it; he was used to his awkward, weedy friend from middle school. But Archie really has become quite nice on the eyes -- _objectively_ . There’s nothing wrong with appreciating the way your _platonic_ best friend’s muscles slide past each other, or the way his red hair sticks to his forehead, or--

Archie turns around and sees him then, and his whole face lights up, as if the sight of Jughead skulking in the corner and ogling him is the best thing that’s happened to him all day. “Juggie!” He says happily, jumping out of the boxing ring and making his way over to where Jughead is. “You should have told me you were coming!”

He claps a warm hand on Jughead’s shoulder, beams at him, and it’s all a little much: his shirtless, sweaty best friend standing so close to him. There’s a bruise blossoming on Archie’s chin, and Jughead has to resist the urge to press a hand to it, and _okay_ , maybe Cheryl was on to something. 

Archie is still looking at him, and Jughead realizes that he hasn’t responded yet, so he shrugs Archie’s hand off his shoulder and mumbles something about Archie getting his sweat all over Jughead. Archie, ever good-natured, doesn’t take offense and just shoves him playfully before heading back to the boxing ring. 

Jughead watches him go with heavy eyes. Against his better judgement, he sends Toni and Cheryl a text: _I need help_.

* * *

“I knew it!” crows Cheryl. “Bert and Ernie, indeed. Archie is quite the catch, you know -- I pursued him briefly in sophomore year, when I was still in denial about my sexuality. Thank the heavens it didn’t work out, but I can certainly see why you’re so fond of him.”

“Yeah, okay,” mutters Jughead, feeling incredibly embarrassed. “I lied. I have a crush on Archie. Happy?”

“Not until you two are together,” Cheryl shoots back. “So, how about it?”

Jughead fidgets. “Look, I meant what I said when I told you I’m not ready for a relationship.” 

“I’m not telling you to go and _marry_ the man,” Cheryl insists. “You can take it slow. Just try asking him out on a casual date and see how it goes.”

Jughead looks helplessly at Toni, who shrugs back at him. “Cheryl, I do think you’re pushing things on Jughead a bit. If he needs some time to be alone and figure things out, there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

Cheryl sniffs. “All I’m saying is that Jughead would be a fool to let this one go. Archie may be single at the moment, but he’s in high demand, and sooner or later someone else will snap him up.”

Jughead clenches his fist. The sick feeling in his stomach is back -- this time, it’s jealousy at the thought of Archie with someone else -- _yes,_ he can admit that, but also --

“Don’t- don’t talk about Archie like that,” he snaps. “Like he’s some sort of commodity.” 

Cheryl raises her eyebrows, and he expects her to needle him about being jealous or something, but her next words surprise him. “Very well. I’m sorry. That was ‘old Cheryl’ speaking: new Cheryl doesn’t compare her friend’s crushes to commodities.” 

Her smile feels a little condescending, but her apology seems genuine; not to mention Jughead’s pretty sure Cheryl just called _him_ her _friend_. If they’re talking about past selves, he thinks that old Jughead would never have thought Cheryl Blossom, HBIC, would ever consider him a friend -- or ever apologize for anything, for that matter. But then again, old Jughead wouldn’t have expected a lot of things to now be true. Like Jughead being gay, for instance.

“Apology accepted,” he says evenly. “Anyway, I… I do like Archie. A lot,” he fidgets. “I have since we were kids, but I never really let myself consider the thought of us being anything more than friends. There was a time, before sophomore year--” ( _before everything went to shit_ ) “--when I thought when we were… we might have been building up to _something_ , but that was a long time ago, and he’s never given me any signs that he’s anything but straight since.”

“He invited you to live with him without a second thought,” says Toni.

“He was just being a good friend, Toni--”

“You two ran away from Riverdale together.”

“Yeah, but I basically invited myself along, and that doesn’t mean that--”

“Didn’t he kiss Joaquin in juvie?”

“Joaquin kissed _him_. And also stabbed him immediately afterwards. It hardly counts as a gay experience.” 

Toni fiddles with Juniper’s socks. “I just think you shouldn’t immediately assume Archie is straight. Or anyone, for that matter. Why not ask him out on a date? The worst he can do is say no.”

Jughead laughs shakily. “The worst he can do is say no _and_ think I’m a creep and avoid me for the rest of our days.”

“Oh Jughead, don’t be so defeatist,” says Cheryl. “Don’t you know about catastrophic thinking? Anyway, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Archibald Andrews over the years, it’s that he sticks by people. He won’t shun you for liking him; if he doesn’t feel the same way, he’ll still want to be your best friend.”

“How can you be so sure?” Jughead asks doubtfully.

“Because, Jughead Jones, _I_ once kissed Archie in a haze of compulsory heterosexuality. And while he did reject me and leave me out in the cold afterwards, it was justified since my parents were pressuring him in their usual batty way and he couldn’t handle it. Anyway, he never treated me differently after that, even though he very well could have, considering I was nowhere as pleasant back then as I am now.” Cheryl smiles at him and folds her hands in her lap like that answers everything.

Jughead blinks. “Oh.”

“The point is,” says Toni, “You shouldn’t back off of asking Archie out because you’re scared it’ll ruin things. It won’t.”

“Okay,” Jughead sighs. “But seriously, guys, I’m still not sure about this. I don’t know how the hell to ask anyone out, especially another guy. Especially if that guy happens to be my best friend.” 

“You should just do what we did,” Toni advises.

“Almost confess to Archie at a sleepover before he gets sent to conversion therapy only to be rescued dramatically by yours truly, and also kiss in front of a gay conversion film?” 

“No, you dolt,” snaps Cheryl. “You should be honest with him about your feelings. Don’t dance around the subject. That bit is especially important, considering your dear Archie is a little on the oblivious side.” 

“Also,” Toni interjects, “I think you might want to get advice from someone who has firsthand experience dating Archie.”

Jughead cocks an eyebrow. “Wait, you don’t mean…”

* * *

“Let me get this straight,” Veronica says flatly. “You want me to give you advice on dating my ex-boyfriend.”

Jughead throws his hands up in defense. “Look, it was Toni and Cheryl’s idea. If you’re uncomfortable with this, I totally understand, I would never force you--"

“Since when are you taking relationship advice from _Cheryl_?” Veronica looks incredulous. 

“...It’s a long story. Anyway, like I said, if this makes you uncomfortable--”

“It’s fine, Jug,” Veronica holds up a hand to silence him. “I’ve been over Archie for ages and if you want to pursue him, I don’t mind helping you. It’s just that this wasn’t what I was expecting when I said ‘don’t be a stranger.’” 

Jughead feels his cheeks warm. 

“Now, I can’t confirm or deny Archie’s heterosexuality, but considering that he’s the only member of our little quartet who hasn’t come out… they do say that if one member of a friend group comes out as gay, the rest are sure to follow. Multiply that by three, and…” She waggles her eyebrows, making Jughead flush further.

“But anyway,” Veronica continues, her voice wry. “I think there’s something I can get out of this too. How about we make a deal?”

“What kind of deal?”

Veronica taps her perfectly manicured nails on the table. “I wasn’t planning on revealing this to you so soon considering the circumstances, but since you’re already working on your own rebound… Betty. I’ve always had a bit of a crush on her since we met, and now that she’s single and out, I’m planning on making my move.” She grins tentatively at Jughead. “Is that okay with you?”

Jughead’s surprised, but he supposes he shouldn’t be. He _does_ know about their kiss back in sophomore year. “Oh! Oh no, of course that’s okay. It’s not like you need my permission to date her or anything; you should totally go for it.” 

“Great!” chirps Veronica. “So I can give you advice on wooing my ex and you can give me advice on wooing yours. Do we have a deal, Jones?”

“Deal.”

* * *

Veronica gives him a surprising amount of advice, but the thing that sticks out to him the most is that Archie is a bit dense (which he knows already), so Jughead will have to be _very_ clear with him that he has romantic intentions. 

So naturally, Jughead completely fails to mention that it’s supposed to be a date when he invites Archie to join him for milkshakes at Pop’s after school. To his credit, he _was_ about to tell Archie that the hangout is supposed to be, like, romantic, but Archie had stepped a little closer to him and Jughead’s head had gone a bit fuzzy and before he could untangle his words, the bell rang. And _really_ , he was going to clarify the situation before the afternoon, but he didn’t see Archie again before school ends, and before he knew it he was waiting for Archie at Pop’s, and well, if he tells Archie the truth now it’d be too sudden and Archie might get scared off. 

He reflects that despite Veronica’s advice (“Archie likes to go to simple, familiar places for dates,” she had said), Pop’s may not have been the best choice of location considering that Jughead and Archie already come here all the time. But again, it’s too late, and so he resorts to glumly stabbing at his milkshake with a straw while Archie happily drinks away across from him. Jughead can’t even blame Archie’s obliviousness this time because it’s _his_ fault that he’s too much of a goddamn coward to properly ask his crush out on a date.

Archie catches his eye. “What’s wrong, Jug?”

Jughead shakes himself out of his reverie. “Nothing,” he says, trying to keep his tone light. “I just… got a bad grade in chemistry. That’s all.”

Archie smiles sympathetically, and Jughead tries not to stare at the way his eyebrows crinkle because _fuck_ , it’s really cute. Archie is really cute. Archie is also reaching out and taking his hand again and wow, Jughead wouldn’t mind if Archie makes a habit out of this.

“You’ll be fine,” he says. “It’s just a roadblock. I’m sure you can make up for the mistake.”

Jughead wants nothing more than to turn his hand over and lace their fingers together, but he’s frozen to the spot. He wonders if Archie’s words extend to Jughead’s inability to confess to him, because this definitely is one hell of a roadblock.

* * *

Toni and Cheryl are, predictably, not impressed. 

“Why is it so hard, guys?” Jughead paces back and forth in front of them. “It was never this hard with Betty, and I was never actually attracted to her.”

“Funny how romance gets harder when the feelings are real,” Toni says dryly. 

“Maybe, and this is just a suggestion,” Cheryl cuts in, “you should actually _tell him how you feel_ this time.”

“I’m doing my best!” Jughead cries indignantly. “I swear I’ll tell him next time. I just have to figure out what our next date will be, because I don’t think Pop’s is cutting it.”

“How about the movies?” suggests Toni. “It’s still familiar, like Veronica suggested, but it’s a little more intimate than going to the diner.”

“Oh, and should I put my arm around his shoulder like a goddamn cliche?” Jughead quips.

“By all means, do so if you think it’ll get the point across!” Cheryl says. “Otherwise, you can enjoy a million more one-sided dates with your oblivious would-be boyfriend.” 

* * *

**To: Archie**

_Hey, Archie. Want to catch a movie at the Bijou this weekend?_

**From: Archie**

_sure! mind if i invite betty and veronica too? :P_

**To: Archie**

_Actually, I was hoping it’d be just you and me._

(Archie takes a little while to respond, leaving Jughead to stare at his screen with a hammering heart.)

**From: Archie**

_oh ok! what movie do u want to see?_

* * *

Jughead doesn’t put his arm around Archie’s shoulder because he’s not _that_ desperate, but they do share a bowl of popcorn and their fingers touch occasionally, so that has to count for something, right? 

( _no jones,_ Toni types to him during a bathroom break, _it doesn’t count. just grab his fuckin hand already._ Jughead doesn’t reply to that.)

Unfortunately, it seems that Jughead’s “just you and me” comment was a little too subtle, because Archie seems unaware that this is anything but another friendly get-together. “That was so fun, Juggie!” he says cheerfully to Jughead as they exit the theater. 

“Yeah. It was.” Jughead can’t keep the defeat out of his voice, and Archie notices.

“Is something wrong?” Archie puts a hand on his shoulder, and it’s _so_ hard when he’s standing so close to Jughead and looking at him with those soft, concerned eyes, and he just wants to wrap himself around Archie in lieu of words, because as good as Jughead usually is with them -- they always seem to fail when it comes to Archie.

“Nothing, Arch,” he says heavily. “Just tired.”

* * *

The next time Jughead visits the Blossoms’ house, he opens the doors (Toni insists that he can let himself in whenever he wants) and finds himself face to face with none other than his ex-girlfriend. She looks just as surprised to see him as he is to see her. “Jughead?”

“Betty.” He hasn’t been avoiding her, really, but he can’t remember the last time they had a proper conversation. “What are you doing here?” Jughead instantly regrets the words: he doesn’t want to sound accusatory.

“Um, I was just visiting the twins.” Betty doesn’t meet his eyes. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“Uh. Just saying hi to Toni,” he replies lamely. Betty looks unconvinced, and for a moment Jughead’s heart aches -- even now, he doesn’t like lying to her, and even though they were never really in love, he misses the easy familiarity they once had. He considers coming clean about why he’s really there, and about the self-realizations he’s had, and about Archie, but -- but --

“I see. Well, I’ve got to go.” Betty breezes past him before he can say anything, and then she’s gone. He hangs at the doorstep for a minute, feeling sorry for himself, before making his way upstairs.

“I ran into Betty downstairs,” he remarks to Toni and Cheryl, hoping his voice sounds casual. Toni’s smile is sympathetic; Cheryl’s is coy.

“Let’s just say you’re not the only one who has been seeking our services as wingwomen.” Before Jughead can ask what that means, Cheryl foists a baby on him (he really will learn to tell Juniper and Dagwood apart someday). “Hold Dagwood, won’t you?”

“You guys have _got_ to stop offering me babies whenever I feel bad,” Jughead cracks, but he takes Dagwood and doesn’t press further about Betty’s visit.

Later that day, there’s a knock at his bedroom door (or, well, it’s not really _his_ room: Jughead moved into the guest room when Betty broke up with him, and the place doesn’t really feel like his yet). “Come in,” he says.

Betty hesitantly opens the door. “Hey.”

Jughead hopes he doesn’t look too surprised. Or scared. “Betty, what’s up?” 

She lingers at the door the same way Jughead lingered at Cheryl’s. “I just… wanted to talk, I guess. How have you been holding up?”

“Not too bad. How about you?”

“About the same.” An awkward silence falls between them. 

“Cheryl and Toni make pretty good wingmen, don’t they?” It’s definitely the wrong thing to say, but Jughead can’t think of anything else. Betty meets his gaze for the first time that day, her eyes wide.

“I-- what-- how did you--” 

“Because I’ve been going to them for the same reason. Man, who would have thought that Cheryl of all people would be so helpful and supportive?” He’s babbling. “Even if she makes jokes about you and I being each other’s beards because it’s a little too soon for that, don’t you think?” He’s _definitely_ babbling. “But hey, I still have to credit her and Toni for helping me figure out that I’m gay. Oh yeah, I didn’t tell you that I figured out I’m gay too, did I? Because I’m gay.” 

Betty stares at him. He stares back at her. For a horrible moment, he thinks she’s going to walk out on him without saying anything, but then she bursts into laughter. 

“Okay,” she giggles, holding her sides. “Not what I was expecting when I decided to gather my courage and properly talk to my ex-boyfriend for the first time in weeks. But,” she smiles at him warmly, “that’s great, I think? I’m glad you figured that out.” 

“Yeah. I’m also in love with Archie.” Jughead wonders if there’s a surgeon out there who would be willing to remove his larynx. 

Betty’s eyebrows fly into her hair. “Oh?” Jughead realizes that this is the first time he’s used the L word in reference to Archie -- in a romantic sense, at least, because their masculinity isn’t so fragile that they’ve never said “I love you” to each other. But he hasn’t said that he _love_ loves him to Toni, or Cheryl, or even to himself. So naturally, the first person he would say it to is his ex-girlfriend. Right. Normal things.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I think this whole conversation is wildly inappropriate given our circumstances. How’s the weather?”

Betty crosses the room and sits on the edge of his bed, and it’s Jughead’s turn to be surprised. “It’s fine, Jug,” she murmurs, still smiling. “You and Archie would be great together. I’d love to help you pursue him since I tried that once, but you know how that ended.” 

Jughead smiles back at her. “Don’t worry about it. Veronica’s already got me covered.”

“Veronica?” she tenses slightly, and Cheryl’s words ring in his head -- _you’re not the only one who has been seeking our services._

“Yeah, and by the way, good luck with her. You should totally go for it.” Betty blushes. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Jughead Jones!” Jughead just smirks at her, and she slaps his arm playfully. They banter with each other about their respective crushes, and something in Jughead’s chest, a tight thing that he hadn’t even been aware of until now, eases and disappears. 

* * *

Cheryl’s next date idea is for Jughead to take Archie to a nice restaurant -- nothing high-end, mind you, but something a step up from Pop’s (not that Pop’s burgers aren’t the height of cuisine). Jughead isn’t sure about it, but Cheryl insists that despite what Veronica said, getting Archie out of his comfort zone may be the only way to get him to realize that Jughead has the world’s biggest crush on him. 

(“Unless, of course, you’ve suddenly gotten the balls to up and confess,” Toni says pointedly. Jughead pretends not to hear her.)

When Jughead protests that he doesn’t have the money for something like that, Cheryl procures a wad of money and shoves it at him before he can refuse. “You can pay it back by babysitting the twins,” she says, “because god knows TT and I need a break.” 

So he tells Archie about it, and Archie seems slightly surprised but agrees to it, and before Jughead knows it he’s waiting at the community gym for Archie to meet up with him so they can go to the restaurant. It’s not Archie he meets at the door, though.

“Hi there. Jughead, right?” Archie’s friend from juvie -- _Munroe_ , Jughead can finally remember his name -- looks down at him. 

Jughead swallows, tries to remember if they’ve ever talked before. He doesn’t think they have. “Yeah, that’s me. I’m here for Archie.” 

Munroe nods. “I know. He hasn’t shut up about your dinner date all day; he seems really excited.” He looks questioningly at Jughead, as if daring him to deny that it’s a date. 

“Oh,” is all Jughead can say. He feels his palms sweat. Where the hell is Archie?

Munroe smiles then. “You know, I’m happy for you two. I used to have a bit of a thing for him myself -- but don’t worry, I’ve got my eyes on someone else now.”

“Oh.” Jughead realizes he’s repeating himself. “I mean -- _oh_! That’s great. Thank you for, uh, giving us your blessing.” Munroe’s eyes twinkle. He leans in, conspiratorially. 

“But you really should tell him it’s supposed to be romantic. Archie has many good traits, but being perceptive isn’t one of them.” Jughead _knows_ he must be beet red by now, he just knows it. And of course, stupid fucking Archie chooses that exact moment to show up.

“Hi guys! Whatcha talking about?” Jughead stammers something about boxing advice, but Munroe just laughs.

“Just thought I’d get to know the Jughead I’ve heard so much about.” He winks at Jughead, and leaves Archie and Jughead alone. 

Archie blinks at Jughead. “What was all that about?” Jughead shrugs noncommittally, hoping the blush on his face has faded by now. 

“Your former prison inmate is hot.” What the fuck, Forsythe. 

“H-Huh?!” 

* * *

Jughead can tell the date is doomed from the beginning. The restaurant is nice, the food is good, and Archie is in high spirits, but Jughead is too rattled to really get into it, and so it feels like a repeat of their previous “dates.” And of course, Archie picks up on his unhappiness _again_ ; for everyone’s talk about Archie being oblivious and dense, he sure is good at telling when something is off with Jughead. Damn him for that. 

“Are you _sure_ everything’s alright, Jug?” Archie asks him in the car afterwards. “I’m glad we’ve been spending so much time together lately, but you seem so… sad.”

Jughead doesn’t reply.

“If it’s something I’ve done, I promise I won’t be mad. Like, you don’t have to force yourself to spend time with me--” and Jughead whirls on him then.

“No! God, no, Archie. It’s not you.” It’s always Archie. It’s always been Archie. He looks a little hurt, though, so Jughead tries to relax his tone. “I mean- just don’t worry about it, Arch. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Archie just frowns at him. “But there is something, isn’t there? Will you tell me eventually? It doesn’t have to be soon, but…” 

Jughead sighs heavily. “I will, Arch. Promise. What I need to do first is sort some things out.” _What I need to do first is grow a pair and tell you I’m in love with you_. 

Archie looks reasonably satisfied with that. “Alright. I’ll be here for you in the meantime. You know I love you, right?”

Jughead smiles weakly. “Love you too.”

* * *

**To: Toni & Cheryl**

_I tried, guys. I really did._

**From: Toni**

****

**To: Toni & Cheryl**

_What the fuck._

**From: Cheryl**

_Dear lord, Jughead. You should just kiss him already._

**From: Toni**

_archie would probably think that was platonic too_

**From: Cheryl**

_Archie when Jughead kisses him: if you kiss a girl it’s gay because you’re kissing all the guys she kissed but if you kiss a guy it isn’t gay because you’re kissing all the girls he kissed._

**From: Toni**

_archie when jughead starts taking off his clothes: ohh juggie~ if it was too hot in here you could have just asked me to turn down the heat_

**From: Cheryl**

_Archie when Jughead proposes to him: oh! For, like, tax benefits, right?_

**To: Toni & Cheryl**

_STOP_

* * *

Betty and Veronica come to school holding hands one day, which isn’t necessarily unusual, except Veronica makes a point of telling everyone within earshot that she and Betty are now dating, they are non-platonic girlfriends, and Veronica is very in love with her new, beautiful, non-platonic girlfriend, thank you very much. 

They do get plenty of congratulations -- anyone with a homophobic bone in their body was already dealt with when Cheryl and Toni started dating, swiftly and brutally. Speaking of which, the two don’t divulge their role in getting “Beronica,” as ex-cult member Kevin calls them (Jughead _really_ wishes Kevin would stop mashing names together like that) together, but they make no effort to hide their smug expressions. 

“I hope my advice helped,” Jughead says to her in chemistry lab. Veronica laughs, her eyes sparkling. She hasn’t looked this happy in a long time, Jughead reflects, and then he aches a little, because he wants to be that happy too--

“It did, actually. I hope _my_ advice is just as useful?” She grins teasingly. “I’m still waiting on you and Archie so we can go to Pop’s for double dates again.” Jughead groans.

“I’m trying my best. It’s just…” Veronica pats his hand.

“I warned you about him being oblivious,” she says, and Jughead wants to tell her that that’s only a small part of the problem, the bigger issue is that Jughead is a fucking idiot who can’t be honest about his intentions, but their chemistry teacher shushes them, so he scrapes the compound they’ve made out of a beaker as violently as possible and hopes that that gets the point across. 

* * *

“So,” Jughead says to Archie. It’s later in the day and they’re in Archie’s room, _supposedly_ working on homework. “Betty and Veronica.”

“Who would have thought?” replies Archie without missing a beat, absentmindedly scratching something into his notebook. 

“Archie, I’m pretty sure half the school had bets on when they’d get together.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Archie gives up on whatever he was writing and rolls onto his back, eyes on the ceiling. “Two years ago, it was you-slash-Betty and me-slash-Veronica. Now everything’s been mixed up, like someone threw the four of us into a blender.”

 _And where does that leave the two of us?_ Jughead wants to ask, but that’s a little too forward, so instead he goes for “really makes you think, huh?” Archie raises an eyebrow, and Jughead flops over so their positions match. “About what’s important. Like, sometimes the right person isn’t who you thought it would be.” _Do not fuck this up._ “Sometimes it’s the person right in front of you.”

Archie’s eyes are on him now. Jughead’s mouth is suddenly dry. “Like your best friend,” he dares to add. 

“Like your best friend,” Archie echoes, voice sounding far away, and Jughead thinks he sees something like understanding on his face, like he _finally_ realizes, and it’s overwhelming -- it’s --

“Bert and Ernie,” Jughead blurts out. Archie stares at him. “Did you know one of the writers on _Sesame Street_ said they were gay? It’s like that.”

“Oh.” Whatever realization was on Archie’s face is gone. “Good for them?” 

“Yeah.” Jughead wants to bang his head against the wall, and if he gets brain damage so be it, because he already acts like a complete idiot anyway.

* * *

“Really, Jughead? Bert and Ernie?”

“You started it,” Jughead says, but there’s no bite to his words. Cheryl rolls her eyes. 

“And I suppose it’s also my fault that you’re lying face down on the floor?” She only receives a groan in return. “ _Please_ , you are so dramatic.”

“I give up, guys. I’m never going to get a boyfriend. I’m just going to lie here until I rot instead. I-- _ow_!” Juniper or Dagwood -- both are crawling all over him -- pulls his hair. 

“You know, Jug, you might have rushed into this a bit,” Toni says, her brow furrowed with concern. “And that’s on us. Maybe we should have given you more time to process your feelings.”

“No matter how it feels, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t date Archie,” Cheryl says breezily. “You can always sign up for Grind’em instead.” 

Jughead glares up at her. “No thanks. Anyway, it’s fine. Things happened quickly, for sure, but I don’t think it matters if it happened now or later. What does matter is that I’m a fuckup who will never know the joys of having a boyfriend, and--”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, Jones.” Toni’s voice is soft but stern. “Besides, it sounds like at least a _little_ of what you implied got through to Archie, and he didn’t immediately freak out, so that might mean something.”

Jughead rolls over, careful not to hurt the twins. Clasps his hands on his stomach. “I don’t know, Toni. I was so close and I still screwed up, and it’s even more humiliating because Archie has been so _nice_ about everything, and I feel like I don’t deserve it.” 

“You really like him, don’t you?” asks Toni, and it’s like all the feelings Jughead has been repressing since elementary school rush forward at once. Because he does _really like Archie_ , he likes him so much, loves him, even. He wants to take Archie on a date where they’re both actually aware it’s a date, and hold his hand, and kiss him at the end of it, and just kiss him in general, and show off his _boyfriend_ to everyone the same way Veronica shows off Betty, even if that would be out of character for Jughead. 

He wants what Toni and Cheryl have, what Veronica and Betty newly have, what ex-cult members Kevin and Fangs (probably) have. Jughead wants to love and be loved, and he wants the subject of his love to be Archibald Andrews.

“No, Toni, I’ve been taking Archie out on failed dates as a joke. A lark, if you will.” It’s Toni’s turn to roll her eyes.

“I have an idea,” Cheryl says quietly. 

Jughead groans again. “I’m not taking Archie out on another date. We’ve established that I can’t do it properly. If I try one more time, I think the humiliation will kill me.”

“It’s not that.”

“If it involves redstatemeat.com, I swear--”

“No!” Jughead finally shuts up. “But it would be taking a huge step, and I’m not sure if you’re ready for that.” Cheryl’s voice is unusually gentle. 

Jughead glances up at her wearily. “Well, I won’t know if you don’t tell me. Shoot.”

“The winter dance. You could ask Archie to go with you, if you don’t mind that it would be the equivalent of coming out to the entire school.” She looks down at him, questioning. Challenging.

Jughead pushes himself up into a sitting position. “That would be a big step indeed,” he muses. “Assuming Archie says yes, of course.”

“We wouldn’t let anyone give you shit for it,” Toni assures him. 

“Yeah, I trust you guys on that. They still haven’t found the body of the last guy who made a homophobic remark towards you,” he jokes. 

“It’s up to you, Jug.” She sits next to him on the floor. “Maybe take some time to think about it?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

Jughead does think about it. He thinks about it that night, he thinks about it into next week, and he thinks about it in class so much that his math teacher gives him an earful for not paying attention. The idea of him and Archie on the dance floor for all the school to see is more than a little scary, but he also kind of likes it. Nothing like living for the thrill, right? He allows himself to imagine picking up Archie for the dance, the two of them wearing matching suits (is the winter dance even a formal one? Jughead rarely goes to dances so he’s not sure), and leading him to the dance floor where he puts his arms around Archie’s neck and Archie puts his around Jughead’s waist. They would sway together, perfectly in sync, and maybe Jughead would lean in and --

He smacks himself in the forehead. _Easy, tiger_. But the fantasy remains, tempting him. 

_You know I love you, right?_

_You really like him, don’t you?_

_Like your best friend._

Jughead jumps up, newfound bravery coursing through him. But he’s not _that_ brave, so he picks up his phone and opens his messaging app.

**To: Archie**

_Aaaaaarch._

**From: Archie**

_juuuuug_

**To: Archie**

_You going with anyone to the dance?_

**From: Archie**

_idk_

**From: Archie**

_couple girls asked me but i turned them down_

**To: Archie**

_Wow, you heartbreaker. How come?_

**From: Archie**

_well i barely know any of them_

**From: Archie**

_id only want to go with someone i really like_

**To: Archie**

_I understand._

(Jughead takes five minutes to type out the next message.)

**To: Archie**

_Want to go with me?_

**From: Archie**

_? like as friends or_

**To: Archie**

_As friends would be fine, but I was thinking like… as dates._

(Jughead slams his phone face down immediately after sending that. He runs downstairs. He makes himself a sandwich. He stands outside for a bit, eating the sandwich and staring at nothing in particular. Finally, with trepidation, he returns to his room and checks his phone with shaking hands.)

**From: Archie**

_oh_

**From: Archie**

_sure!_

**To: Archie**

_GretA@!_

**To: Archie**

_*Gr#et_

**To: Archie**

_*GREAT_

Jughead lets out a whoop and in the next second slams his hands over his mouth, hoping nobody else in the house heard. It’s not enough to dispel the excited energy thrumming through him, though, so he resorts to jumping up and down a few times. He’s grinning so hard his face hurts. 

**To: Toni & Cheryl**

_I ASKED HIM_

**To: Toni & Cheryl**

_HE SAID YES_

**From: Toni**

_NICE_

**From: Cheryl**

_#JarchieRising_

Telling Toni and Cheryl doesn’t feel like nearly enough, though. Jughead feels like his chest is going to explode. He wants to climb onto the roof and declare to the whole town that he finally, _finally_ properly asked Archie Andrews out. That’s obviously not an option, so he settles for telling Jellybean instead.

“Told you you were gay,” she says. 

* * *

The week leading up to the dance feels like an eternity. Jughead’s wound tight -- not in a bad way, but he feels wired all the time. Some part of him is always moving: a hand, a leg, a foot, to the point that Veronica gets fed up and texts him _can you sit still?_ in class because _honestly,_ it’s great that Jughead finally worked up the courage to ask Archie out, but he’s being distracting. Jughead texts back _What, are you homophobic?_ and they both get their phones taken away. 

Nothing changes between him and Archie: Archie doesn’t start holding his hand or treating him with new affection or talk about the dance at all, in fact, but he also doesn’t act awkward or distant, and Jughead refuses to let himself overthink things for once in his life. He even lets himself steal wistful glances at Archie when the other isn’t looking because that’s his _date_ \-- and boyfriend-to-be, if things go well. He knows he’s acting like a middle schooler and not the 18-year-old he is, but after everything he’s been through, he thinks he deserves this. 

Finally, the night of the dance arrives. It turns out that the dance is only semi-formal, so Jughead doesn’t wear a suit, but he does his best to make himself look presentable. For Archie. He gets dressed a full two hours before the dance and finds himself glaring at the clock because he isn’t sure how else to pass the time. He thinks about texting Archie -- he could maybe send a picture of his outfit -- but he ultimately texts Toni and Cheryl for moral support instead. 

_don’t sweat it,_ Toni texts back. _you got this._

Fifteen minutes before he’s supposed to meet up with Archie, he leaves his room and promptly runs into Betty. “Oh! Jughead, you gave me a fright,” she exclaims.

“I could say the same for you, Betts,” he quips. They stand there awkwardly for a second. “Got a hot date?”

She grins, shy but proud. “I do, yeah. Heard you do too.”

“I might,” Jughead returns her smile. “Kind of nervous about it.”

“I am too, to be honest,” Betty says, and Jughead tilts his head.

“How come? You and Veronica are already official.”

“Yeah, but… it’s like it still hasn’t hit me that we’re dating. Plus, Veronica is so… she’s so amazing. I keep thinking I’m going to let her down somehow,” she confesses, her smile slipping a bit. After a moment of hesitation, Jughead reaches out and takes her hand.

“Betty, we may have been bearding--” she rolls her eyes, “--but you were always an amazing girlfriend to me. I’m sure you’ll be the same to Veronica. Plus, she’s your best friend. B & V, right? She’s already seen you at your best and at your worst; I’m sure everything will be fine.” 

Betty squeezes his hand. “Thank you, Jug. It means a lot to hear that from you.” The smile is back in full force. “Also, I could say the same for you and Archie.”

“Many thanks, Betts.” He bows to her sardonically. “I just need to make things official tonight and I’ll be all set.” 

Betty laughs. “You can do it!” Just then, a car pulls up outside. Jughead looks at Betty meaningfully.

“I think that’s your date. Go dazzle her!” He gives Betty a little push, and in another few seconds she’s gone. Jughead watches her go, thinking about how much their relationship has changed over the past few months. He doesn’t regret any of it, he decides, before making his own way down the stairs.

Jughead is about to open the door and head out to Archie’s house when a voice stops him: “What’s this I hear about a hot date?”

He turns around to see his father, looking at him questioningly.

“Um. Hi, Dad,” Jughead says, his words thick in his throat. He’d been dancing around coming out to FP; he doesn’t think FP is homophobic, because he hadn’t said anything when Betty came out, but they have a long and rough history, and Jughead still finds it hard to talk to him about emotional things. 

“Hey,” FP replies. “Jellybean might have let something slip about you and that Andrews boy.” Jughead groans before he can stop himself.

“I _told_ her not to tell anyone about that,” he mutters, and then realizes he’s basically confirmed FP’s suspicions for him, which means he basically just came out to him, which means--

“Boy, you look like a deer in the headlights,” FP says, and Jughead snaps to attention. 

“I mean… yeah.” Jughead lets a little challenge creep into his words; things may be better now, but he hasn’t forgotten the days when they fought about everything, when he felt like he was walking on eggshells around his father, when it was so bad that Jughead chose being homeless over living with him.

But FP just claps him on the shoulder. “You know I support you no matter what, Jughead. Go get your guy.” 

It’s not perfect, but things have never been perfect with FP, and so it’s good enough for Jughead. He gives his dad a mock salute and heads out the door.

* * *

Jughead stands on the Andrews’ doorstep a few minutes later. The emotions churning in his stomach are very similar to the ones he felt back when he first visited Cheryl and Toni, and he has to resist the urge to bolt. _You are Jughead Jones. You have a hot date and you are_ not _going to bail on him when it took you, like, 3 months to ask him out in the first place._

He knocks on the door, two times, and hears a faint “Mom, can you get that?” A moment later Mary Andrews (or did she take her maiden name back? Jughead isn’t sure) opens it. 

“Hello, Jughead,” she says warmly. “It’s nice to see you.”

Behind her, Archie all but falls down the stairs. “Jug!” he blurts. 

Despite his nerves, Jughead manages to laugh. “Good evening, Arch.” He surreptitiously looks Archie up and down; Archie looks nice -- not that he doesn't always look nice. “I like your outfit, but I have to ask: are you trying to start a new fashion trend with the socks, or do you just not know that they’re mismatched?”

Archie looks down at his feet and flushes red. “Oh. I’m gonna--” he gestures in the general direction of upstairs, “--go fix that. Be right back.” He proceeds to all but fall up the stairs.

Mary watches him go, and then turns her attention to Jughead, who shifts uncomfortably. He doesn’t know her as well as he knew Fred, but last thing he heard she has a girlfriend, so it’s not like she’s going to judge him, right? Still--

“Fred would be happy for you two,” she says softly, and Jughead’s throat constricts. 

“That… makes me happy,” he replies, just as softly, and before either of them can say anything else Archie is back. 

“Um, my socks match now,” he says. “Are you ready to…?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Mary gives him an exaggerated wink on their way out, which makes Jughead blush just as much as Archie had been a few moments ago. 

* * *

As it turns out, he and Archie don’t receive more than a few curious glances because their thunder has been stolen by Munroe showing up to the dance with fucking _Reggie_ and oh, okay, that’s what Munroe meant when he said he had his eyes on someone else (and Jughead guesses Toni and Cheryl were right about Reggie being a repressed homosexual jock. Amazing.) Reggie looks uncharacteristically shy, which is bizarre to observe, but Munroe lifts his chin as if daring anyone to question them. Nobody does. 

Veronica and Betty are already there. They’re dancing, looking at each other like they’re the only people in the room, and Jughead’s heart swells for them. Cheryl and Toni don’t seem to have arrived yet, though; Jughead feels nervous without his wingmen. He turns to Archie. “So… wanna try the punch?” 

Archie doesn’t seem to hear him, his gaze far away, so Jughead carefully nudges him. “Arch?”

“Oh! Sure.” Archie looks at him, but his eyes still look unfocused, and Jughead tries to ignore the tendril of anxiety that snakes into his stomach. _It’s going to be fine._

They run into ex-cult members Kevin and Fangs at the punch table, and Kevin gives him a very pointed look. _Since when?_ he seems to be asking, but Jughead just shrugs, and Kevin rolls his eyes incredulously. 

_Maybe I would have filled you in sooner if you hadn’t dragged Betty to her lobotomy_ , he thinks, but he’s grudgingly happy for him and Fangs anyway. The two of them head off to the dance floor, and Jughead is thinking about asking Archie if he wants to do the same when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

It’s Toni. “Hey, Jones,” she says. “You and Archie look great.”

“Thanks,” he says. “What kept you?”

“Our babysitter was late,” she sighs. “I thought Cheryl was going to have a conniption.”

“TT exaggerates,” says Cheryl, who has appeared at Toni’s shoulder like some kind of redheaded ghost. “Anyway,” she and Toni exchange meaningful looks. “Mind if I borrow your date? Toni, you take Jughead.”

“What--” Before Jughead can get a word in edgewise, Cheryl has whisked Archie away, and Toni is dragging him to the dance floor. “What’s going on?” Jughead mutters, reluctantly falling into step with her.

Toni smiles, unfazed. “Just checking in. Making sure you don’t screw this up.”

“I _won’t_ , not this time. Everything’s going great.”

“That’s good,” she says. “How do you feel?”

“I,” Jughead glances over at Archie and Cheryl. She’s hissing something into his ear, and whatever she’s saying is causing the blood to drain from his face. “What the hell is Cheryl doing?”

“She’s just doing her part. Don’t worry about it,” Toni replies evenly.

Jughead wants to retort that he doesn’t think “doing her part” should involve scaring his date half to death, but he lets it go. He’s learned by now that it’s best not to question Cheryl’s whims. “Anyway, I’m alright. Kind of scared as hell, kind of feel like my heart’s going to beat out of my chest, but I’m handling it.”

“Good enough for me.” Toni looks up at him earnestly. “You’ve come a long way. Since I first met you, I mean.”

“You have too,” he says, and he means it. He may not have known Toni as long as Archie or Betty, but she’s still one of his dearest friends and she gets him in a way few people do. She knows what it’s like to be homeless, to feel rejected by your own blood, to grow up being constantly told you’re from _the wrong side of the tracks_. And Jughead is so, so grateful for her.

He wants to convey this to Toni, but his words get stuck in his throat. He thinks she already knows, anyway. 

“Alright, we won’t hold you up any longer.” She looks over at Cheryl, who instantly returns her gaze as if she can physically feel it (Jughead really thinks he’s on to something with this telepathy theory). “Go on, dance with your boy.” Toni shoves him at Archie, and they collide, chest to chest.

Jughead quickly grabs Archie’s shoulders to steady himself. Lets go just as quickly when he realizes what he’s doing. “Um… hi.”

“Hi,” Archie replies, still looking a bit traumatized by whatever Cheryl said to him. Even so, Jughead doesn’t think he’s ever seen something more beautiful in his life. He offers Archie his hand.

“Want to dance?” Archie _still_ doesn’t look all there, but he takes Jughead’s hand.

* * *

They don’t sway together perfectly like in Jughead’s fantasy -- Archie keeps stepping on his feet, in fact -- but Archie’s hands are warm on his waist, and Jughead can’t find it in him to complain. He just wishes Archie would say something, because dancing in silence is kind of awkward.

Jughead casts about for a topic. “What was Cheryl talking to you about? You looked like you’d seen a ghost,” he jokes, hoping to relieve some of the tension. 

“Um,” says Archie. “I’ll tell you later.” 

“Oh, okay.” They fall into silence again, and Jughead looks around the auditorium. Betty and Veronica have retired from the dance floor and are standing off to one side, giggling to each other. Cheryl and Toni are also dancing, and Jughead would be a traitor if he didn’t say they’re the best-looking damn couple in the room. Ex-cult members Kevin and Fangs have disappeared, probably to go make out somewhere. Oh, and there’s fucking Sweet Pea, who’s gaping at Jughead and Archie like they’re a car crash he can’t look away from. Jughead isn’t looking forward to explaining that one later. 

Jughead shifts his attention back to Archie. He can’t read the expression on his friend’s face, and it makes the anxiety in his stomach glow hotter. He suddenly feels small and awkward and ugly. _What if I was wrong, what if Archie only said yes out of pity, what if he’s disgusted by me, what if--_

He wants to be like the other couples, happy and comfortable with each other and in love. He wants Archie to _look at him_ so he’ll see the affection written all over Jughead’s face, because Jughead is _done_ being subtle. He wants -- he wants --

Jughead can’t take it anymore. He jerks away from Archie, mumbling something about getting more punch. Archie looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t, so Jughead leaves him on the dance floor. 

* * *

Jughead spends the rest of the dance sulking in the corner, sick of the event but too stubborn to give up and suggest that he and Archie leave. For once, Cheryl and Toni are too caught up in each other to notice his discontent, and Jughead doesn’t want to bother them with it. He doesn’t know where Archie is, and he doesn’t _want_ to know. He feels so stupid, because technically nothing has gone wrong, but Archie is just clearly not into it and Jughead doesn’t want to impose on him anymore. He just hopes they can go back to normal after this: Jughead doesn’t know what he’ll do if Archie stays away from him. He wishes more than anything that he could go back in time and stop his past self from going to the Blossoms’ doorstep. 

Archie finds him eventually, betraying nothing as he asks Jughead if he’s ready to leave. Jughead just nods numbly.

They’re silent in the car; the only sound is the engine’s hum. Jughead taps a finger on his thigh irritably. They’re going to Cheryl’s after-dance party, and Jughead has no idea how he’s going to act normal for the rest of the night. He’s not looking forward to Toni and Cheryl’s disappointment. 

Just then, Archie takes an unexpected turn. “Archie? Aren’t we going to Cheryl’s house?”

“I was thinking we could go to my place instead,” Archie says. “I want to talk about something.”

“Oh.” _Shit._ Jughead was hoping they could just never speak of this night again, but he supposes it’s only fair that Archie wants to reject him properly. Make sure they’re on the same page after Jughead has been nothing but unclear with him. It makes sense.

They pull into the Andrews’ driveway. Jughead briefly considers bolting, but then Archie looks over at him and he knows better. So he silently follows Archie into his house and up the stairs to his bedroom, feeling like a prisoner being led to the electric chair.

Archie sits down on his bed and lets out a rush of air. Jughead remains standing, not sure what to do with himself, until Archie looks up at him expectantly. So he reluctantly sits next to Archie. His insides feel like they’re simultaneously on fire and freezing.

“So,” says Archie.

“So.” Jughead repeats. Archie _still_ isn’t looking at him.

“Us going to the dance together. Just to clarify, that was supposed to be a romantic thing, right?” Jughead nods, and then realizes that Archie probably can’t see that.

“Yeah. It was.”

Archie nods. “And those other times we’ve hung out recently…?”

“Those too.” It feels like an admission of defeat. 

“Okay. Just making sure. Look, Jug--”

“I’m sorry.” Jughead blurts out. “I should have been clear with you from the start. I was just really scared of rejection, so I could never say it to your face, but that wasn’t fair of me. I know you don’t feel the same way, and I totally understand if you hate me for this.

“I’m just really fucking sorry,” he finishes lamely. 

Archie exhales a second time. Then he does something unexpected: he puts his hand on Jughead’s. 

_You don’t need to hold my hand while rejecting me. It’ll just make me feel worse_ , is what Jughead wants to say, but he still has some modicum of self-control, so he goes for an “uh?”

“I’m not mad, Jug.” Archie is _finally_ looking at him properly for the first time tonight, and Jughead fights not to shrink under his gaze. “I just wish you had asked me how _I_ felt about all of this.”

“I’m sorry. Again. I know I can’t make up for this, so like I said I understand that you don’t like me back, and I swear it’s fine, I don’t--”

“Who says I don’t feel the same way?” Archie says, so quietly that Jughead almost thinks he’s imagined it. His head swivels to face Archie so fast that he’s sure his neck will hurt in the morning. 

“ _Huh_?” 

“I said, who says I don’t feel the same way?” A little louder this time. Jughead gapes at him the same way Sweet Pea was gaping at both of them earlier.

“But- but that doesn’t make _sense_ ,” he says incredulously. “You never said anything about the dates, and you were obviously uncomfortable at the dance.”

“I didn’t say anything about the dates because I wasn’t aware that they were dates. As for the dance, I’m sorry if I seemed distant, but it was because I- I really wanted to kiss you the whole time but was too afraid to ask.” The last words come out in a rush, and they hit Jughead like so many pieces of hail.

“Oh.” Jughead’s voice is so high that he sounds ridiculous. “I see.” An irrational part of him still wants to run away, and Archie seems to sense it, because his hold on Jughead’s hand tightens.

“Just… just listen to me, okay? I’ve liked you for a while. Betty coming out made me rethink some things, and while I’m still not sure where I am, I just know that--” he sucks in a breath, “--I like you. I _want_ you. Always have, I think. And I wasn’t sure if you were trying to send me signals, because I knew you were figuring shit out too, and I didn’t want to pressure you. But Jug? That time you said the thing about the right person being right in front of you? I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Bizarre Bert and Ernie spiel and all.”

Jughead is completely still. _I like you._ He lets the words wash over him, lets them sink into his skin. _I want you._

“Wow.” He finally says. “Wow,” and then he starts laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” asks Archie, staring at him like he’s lost his mind.

“It’s just,” Jughead wheezes, “Everyone has been telling me ‘oh, Archie is so _dense_ , so _oblivious_ , he’ll never notice that you like him,’ but all this time the dense, oblivious one was _me_! It’s too funny.”

Archie pouts. “Why does everyone say that about me? I’m not _that_ dense,” and his face is so earnest Jughead can’t help but laugh harder. He doesn’t let go of Archie’s hand, though.

“You’re so weird. When you settle down, can I kiss you?” and _that_ shuts Jughead up fast. He nods so quickly his beanie almost falls off his head. 

“Yes! I mean- yes. Do kiss me.” Archie leans in, close enough for Jughead to see the golden flecks in his eyes, and their lips meet.

It’s good. It’s really fucking good, and Jughead thinks he could stay like this forever, but then his phone buzzes and they pull apart. “Fuck, that’s probably Cheryl and Toni, I forgot to tell them where we were going--”

“Since when do you update _Cheryl_ on your location?” Archie asks in disbelief, but Jughead is already pulling out his phone.

**From: Cheryl**

_You and Archie aren’t at my party so you better be making out somewhere because I will *not* accept any other excuse._

**From: Toni**

_^^^_

Jughead laughs softly. He quickly types out _if only you guys knew_ , sends it off, and returns his phone to his pocket. 

“Desperate times called for desperate measures,” he says, all mysterious, and Archie just stares at him.

“Is that why Cheryl told me, and I quote, ‘Archibald Andrews, I know you have a heart of gold but if you so much as dare to do anything to hurt Jughead you’ll wish that bear had finished you off?'”

Jughead just laughs harder. “What can I say? Cheryl may be a hardass, but she protects her own. Speaking of which, is babysitting an okay first date for you? I kind of owe Cheryl and Toni for something.”

Archie looks utterly befuddled, but before he can inquire further, Jughead says “actually, don’t worry about it. Let’s just get back to kissing.” 

Archie doesn’t object, just leans back in, and when Jughead’s phone buzzes again, he doesn’t check it this time. 

* * *

Jughead doesn’t give everyone an earful about how great his new boyfriend -- yes, he can _finally_ call Archie that --- is like Veronica did with Betty, but he does smile smugly when he and Archie come to school holding hands. When he passes Toni and Cheryl in the hall, the three of them share a knowing look, and Jughead hopes his eyes convey how grateful he feels.

“I can’t believe we’re dating because Cheryl fucking Blossom told you you might be gay,” says Archie. Jughead just laughs and presses a kiss to his cheek.

**Author's Note:**

> WHEW
> 
> Come talk to me about jarchie at [tumblr](https://werewolfs.tumblr.com) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/shslluck)


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